My Internetdate send me rozes with a freezy crust on it, which made me even more confident to visit her. The sunday before my flight i was rudely woken by a blue heron who was hunting for my goldfish. So i rushed to an American style garden centre to buy me a net to protect my pond.
On Schiphol airport i was allready extensively searched and in tacomaIntAirport inverted fear of flying reached hysteric forms. Now that recession has come over us many useless dumbasses can get a jog in security (hey time for me to apply). Nevertheless i noticed plenty oppurtunities to bypass security and let hell break lose.
Immigration service at the airport asked me why I came to the States and so I answered, that I was to go see my girlfriend. And so this old man made me sweat as the questions kept on coming and I provided all the wrong answers: Where did we meet?: On the Internet, ah at last he popped the big question: Will I marry her?: I don’t plan to. I understand now, he is the gatekeeper for the much-desired green card. My lover looked good when she picked me up from the airport. She gave plenty American flags, by then I couldn’t half phantom why. At a fastfood restaurant, where she wanted to show me the delicacy of curly fries. I was so blunt to give the flags to some uptight Samoan man, patriotism is a strong cause for bonding and with his patriot stance he also wanted to impress his beautiful pacific girlfriend.
We drove over the snowy passes to her house. She told me how someone who she didn’t have sex with, bought her a new engine for her car, and then when we were on the highway but close to her hometown the engine turned off, oops we forgot to fill up the gas. She must have been really excited, i had just smoked an airport cigar so I kept my cool and I was all jolly to push the car over a hill, and after that it went downward, so I could climb in and the car stopped fairly close to a gasoline station. Amazing how many pulled over to offer us help really often. We got us some gas in a jerrycan and poured it in the tank of the car to drive the last mile.
We arrived at her house and she didn’t have the key to her frontdoor. I found it quite funny: while it was freezing and there was piles of snow outside there I was at last I travelled half the world to be on the outside looking in. The house looked comfortable through the window. She tried to break in in her own house with her carkey untill it was bended, we could still start the car and headed for mum. Ok so her mother had a sparekey I had to see her mother the very first evening and we got inside, everything turned out fine, As it turned out later there was also a sparekey under a rock close to the doorstep. After all that sitting i made my mark when i flooded her toilet right there.
The US was decorated with Christmas lights and flags (stars&stripes), every house, car, company, bridge or anything had one flag behind a window in view, as if to tell the outside world: No Ossama bin Laden lives in this house. Than again the gardens are dressed up with many lights to celebrate the spirit of christmas. We spent some time indoors, and well I took up my task of pillowfight with her boy but.. if I ‘d stay indoors too long I ‘d be bound to take up a share of educating so nah I just wanted to taste life… I was desperate for getting out and we at last did some exercise, slidgliding, a little skiing up the village and some drives into nature. We knew we made the most of the day, when we saw the sunset over the vulcano and were escorted by a dozen mountain guards on our way down. Americans drive motorised stuff everywhere, like snowcats in the woods, the environment? oh well they enjoy themselves and nature looks marvellous.
Christmas was very family-like. I sawed a christmas tree and struggled for hours with strings of christmas lights. Giant socks hanged awaiting Santa. Had some snowball fights and walks through the snowy landscape by day and night. When we visited her parents it felt like we were a real couple.
For Newyearseve we went to Spokane, there is a waterfall in the center of town, the highway goes right through Spokane. In the Netherlands there are very few national flags displayed, so the huge flag on the giant bank building was a scary sight to see for a dutchman, (Dutch are anti-nationalism, but patriotism is experienced differently in the USA especially after 9-110.
In Spokane we slept in the empty English style house of a lady-friend (a croupier with a toddler) who had a fetish for oriental clutter and associated Amsterdam to blowing joints, my pleas were in vain, she didn’t buy my story that i bettered my life and didn’t smoke no-more. So i bravely smoked her pot through a pipe we made from a can, and she was proud “to have outsmoked an Amsterdamian.” Weed is no good for me.
The lady had a young daughter with whom i discussed how the indians danced so i showed the dance in the kitchen, in my fanatic rumble & shake i cut my hand by hitting the stove. At the supermarket i smuttered the wound by pouring jodium in it, i impressed just about everybody down there. The scar is still smiling on my hand.
The next day things to move were to be brought inside, as Americans have strong family ties, a bunch of relatieves were there to help. The one uncle who smoked waited outside with a breathing and heartproblem. He couldn’t make it up and down the steps. It is striking that I met my American woman by reacting to her usenet message: “Smokeless in Washington.”
Then we went on a long drive into Montana, wind, rain, snow, hail mist, but we bravely drove over the passes. We stopped at a roadside restaurant, casino. I ate an eat-all-you-can steak meal, the cook got bored when i ordered for the 10th time. We informed on the road with an older man who wore a leather jacket with a print of an American flag.
We passed many burned down forests. Americans have a different attitude to wildfires compared with Europeans. For western-Europeans any fire is a disaster, the small amount of woods and the many houses nearby, need maximum protection. For Americans wildfire is a phase in the renewal of nature. Just when we thought we ‘d never arrive, and when the road got worse, we arrived at the delightful place.
Smoking pot set me in regression a few days later. I needed sleep so i preferred to sleep in a seperate bed, and in the morning she used all the water for the bath. That made me angry at her, this all made her more eager to seduce me again. When we got the entrance keys for the hotsprings the owner spoke them magical words: “No hanky panky”. One just won’t believe how refreshing such hotspring is. The water is warm the air is clean the skin and the hair noticable improve from a hotsprings swimmingpool. I ‘d better let you in on (5-1-02) her account of a perfect day.
> > Sleeping late and waking in a secluded cabin next to
> > some natural hotsprings in the middle of winter on a sunny day
> > with a ski resort just up the road with fresh powder from the snow the
> > night before.
> > Then having breakfast in bed with a good-looking considerate man that
> > pours the orange juice and later joins in
> > using all the hot water during a extra long shower.
> > After getting dressed going for a walk at dusk (slept late remember)
> > making snow angels and getting kissed when my eyes were closed
> > by that considerate guy that later explains for the fourth time the big
> > dipper is not part of Orion.
> > The highlight of the best Saturday is going swimming in the pool
> > and being the only ones in it, me and the gorgeous considerate guy.
> > A big bubble roof keeps it private and creates steam all around.
> > We find each other and well use your imagination, I am.
> > After a exhilarating swim we have homemade good country cooking next to
> > the fire at the lodge and then take another walk talking about nothing
> > before going into town to shoot some pool at the bar that know doubt
> > helped shape the little old western town.
> > Regulars eager to meet buy us several beers hoping to loosen us up
> > and it does so we find our selves at the bar talking about "logging" and
> > "living in the moment" while "buy me another one" plays on the juke box.
> > The hang over is saved for Sunday as we cap the best Saturday off with
> > a safe drive home and a cozy comfy queen bed in that secluded cabin....
> > Did I mention the best Saturday has no phone,TVor computer and the
> > kid is safe at home with grandma:-)
We had the pool all to ourself, the warm spring water sprayed from the side, there was a roof from plastic like those cheap agricultural greenhouses, that water was not chlorified but smelled sweet, after us a bunch of loggers and their family jumped in the pool and we left for the town. In a Western saloon we drank beers and smoked cigars with the locals.
The day after we went to the ski-resort, but did not ski (torment!), than we drove cross an indian reservation but didn’t see the buffalos. It was late at night and I was desperate to smell some animal so i ran towards the reservation I fell in a rooster that was placed to fend off the buffalos of course the steel banged my balls. We drove on and we arrived at a famous ski resort Swytzer, and still we didn’t ski so i split and skied some on my own. (aaaahhhhh) We did some apres-ski, and those restaurants are huge, but there played a pretty good blues band.
Below the ski resort was the cheapest Motel8 we arrived there after midnight. I flooded the toilet and felt the spirit of my favorite sitcom (a runnin’ gag by Al Bundy in Married with Children), just when things got poopie, the toilet drained. On the tele, We witnessed president Bush reception in Portland, my honey asked would you have wanted to see Bush instead, I told my honey “i can make Ossama a very happy man.” My darling and I went in the hottub but that was nothing compared to a hotspring. We drove from that Motel8 with hottub near a Swytzer skiresort, all the way to Seattle. My honey didn’t want to touch homebase, since she figured she wouldn’t want to leave when she were home. After crossing some snowy passes with ice on the highway and in terrible winterweather, we arrived late at night in NorthBend-Seattle at a hotel were some Pakistani worked the night reception. They opened the entrance with a broom and did clearly sleep on the job.
The hotel was both cheap and OK. At night on Seattle television there was a lecture by Bill Gates on University channel and there was an Elvis documentary on Christian Channel, Oh my God!. I remember my honey saying, Rob don’t really wear his hair like that? When we left the hotel room at half past 1 i saw a NorthWest plane setting off from the airport, and said to her, “hey that could be my plane.” Little did we know we were living on borrowed time.
We went to see an impressive waterfall and after that looked for her sister to spend the night. This sister was battling alcohol addiction and she worked at Boeing, the paranoid assumption of someone commiting sabotage on the planes or weaponry was alive amongst employees. What hospitality the daughters in their puberty showed me their star filled room and huge stereo. The oldest daughter was to wake us and so she woke us not early in the morning as ordered, but at noon, we had to hurry so i grabbed all my stuff and we drove to the airport.
I was very late and still had to check in. I decided to bluntly stand in the short line for complicated cases. As it turned out i was a day late. So the stewardess gave me a hard time. I drawed my credit card and said: “I ‘ll pay”. The stewardess dropped her argument and started withdrawing. I learned that to give a hard time in advance is so that one doesn’t make claims.
I sat at the last 2 seats in the back of the plane. Window-seat as usual. So i was last for the food hand-out and had me 2 portions of meat loaf. By then, i could stand to eat anything.
